10 Useful Tips For First Time Swingers

The swinging lifestyle can be the most amazing thing that happens to your relationship if it is approached the right way. Before taking that big step, it is important to take some time to consider all possible scenarios and establish proper rules and guidelines. If you are a couple considering becoming swingers, here are ten useful tips and guidelines to follow.

1. Learn the rules and start slow.

Don’t rush into the lifestyle without understanding what swinging is all about. Read some of the popular literature and online forums about swinging. Be informed about issues and conflicts that arise within the larger swinging community.

2. Start with a couple you’re comfortable with.

Finding a more experienced couple that is willing to mentor you and offer swinging advice is important. Typically more mature couples have more experience in the lifestyle are ready and able to help you work through some of the first time jitters.

3. Communicate with your partner.

Just because you’ve both agreed to try out swinging, doesn’t mean that swinging means the same things to both of you. Most sure you set ground rules with your partner about what’s OK before you begin engaging with other partners.

4. Always practice safe sex.

There are a myriad of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) out there that you don’t want to catch. Always use condoms and insist that your partners do the same. Get tested regularly for STDs.

5. Don’t get drunk or high.

Having a few glasses of wine to relax is fine. Having 15 shots before you arrive at the party is not. If you need to be intoxicated to feel comfortable with the activities you’re engaging in, swinging is not for you.

6. No means no.

Don’t feel like you need to justify or explain your reason for saying no. If there’s an activity you’re not interested in, a simple, “No thank you” is a sufficient refusal. Don’t give in to peer pressure.

7. Don’t be rude.

Avoid telling potential partners that you’re not interested in them just because they’re not your type. You never know whom that person is a friend with and who they might be able to introduce you. Be friendly and don’t close any doors.

8. Go to the event prepared.

Don’t assume that host will provide anything. Be prepared and bring everything you’ll need for the night with you. If there are special lubes or toys you want to use don’t forget them at home.

9. Don’t do things that you’ll regret.

It may be exciting to try things you’ve never tried, but don’t do anything that you’d be embarrassed about the next morning. Don’t be persuaded to take photos or video, without thinking about the long-term consequences.

10. Have fun.

It’s easy to get nervous and over think things. Don’t let your nerves get the best of you. Swinging can be a lot of fun once you get the hang of it.

10 Tips For A First Time Unicorn At A Swingers Club

The term unicorn in the swinging community is used to describe single females who are comfortable around swingers and open to exploring with couples. If you find yourself being one of these very rare and desired single females, here are some useful tips that will help you if you are planning on visiting a swingers club as a single unicorn for the first time.

1. Find a couple (MF, MM, FF whatever your fantasy is) to actually swing with first if you have not already experienced a threesome or moresomes.

2. If you already have a couple, you are comfortable with consider going to the club with them the first time.

3. If #2 is not an option find a guy friend you are comfortable with and ask him to go with you.  Most clubs don’t allow single men or charge them a premium, so he will probably jump at the chance to get in as a couple if he is into that.  Beware that a lot of guys are not nearly as open-minded about sex as they think they are.

4. Understand going in that single females are highly desirable in most of the swinger communities.  The younger and more attractive you are the more desirable you will be, but you don’t have to be the perfect model either.  Any female who make a reasonable effort at her appearance will likely get a lot of attention.

5. Bi-sexuality on the part of the women is usually expected, but not an absolute requirement. I suggest you don’t need to do anything you are not comfortable with.

6. If it is an on-premise club, there likely will be sexual activity possibly significant activity going on. Just be prepared to see anything, often women in this situation are not nearly as open-minded as they think they are.

7. Clubs can vary widely in the makeup of their patrons from a full house of beautiful people to a full house of people you really would rather not see with their clothes off.  Most clubs, however, have a mixture of all types. Try a few clubs until you find the one you are most comfortable with.

8. Understand some couples may not be into singles at all. If a couple is not interested, do not take it personally. Just be polite and move on. As a unicorn, you won’t have any problems finding a couple at the end of the night to play with.

9. In most cases, when you get together with a couple, you may be into one partner more than the other. Most times if you are more attracted to the female half of the couple more that the male, then it is OK, but if it is the other way around, the wife may get insecure, so be careful not to show obvious bias. Unless they tell you, it is ok. If it makes you uncomfortable, it’s best to not be there at all.

10. Stay away from any kind of drama. Don’t be the one to start it nor get involved with any sort of drama between partners. If you sight any insecurity between a couple early on, excuse yourself quickly before anything serious happens. Such incidents are a rare occurrence in the lifestyle community, but I would be lying if I said it did not occur.

Re-read #4, you are in the driver’s seat.  You will probably be able to get in the club for free.  You will probably have people offering to buy you drinks.  Know what you are and are not up to and don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to.  In most cases, a firm sorry I am not interested will be respected. Most of all, don’t forget you are there to have fun.

9 Healthy Habits Open Relationships Can Teach Us

Posted By: Dr Lisa Firestone for YourTango.com.

Studies show that between 30 and 60 percent of married individuals in the United States will cheat at some point in their marriages. Infidelity has increased significantly among married couples in their 20s, with the Wall Street Journal reporting that “Between 1991 and 2006, the numbers of unfaithful wives under 30 increased by 20 percent and husbands by a whopping 45 percent.” Many people assume that affairs are a symptom of a larger problem in a relationship. But according to the Psychotherapy Networker article, The New Monogamy, “35 to 55 percent of people having affairs report they were happy in their marriage at the time of their infidelity.”

So what’s causing so many people to cheat? Some feel it’s a matter of viewing sexuality and commitment as two mutually exclusive concepts. As the Networker article suggests, many individuals in intimate relationships are making exceptions to sexual fidelity or taking alternative approaches to their sexual freedom — and that can work as long as both partners agree to those decisions.

No matter what the agreement, though, there is one fundamental quality that, if compromised, can destroy any relationship, open or otherwise, and that’s honesty. One might say that the true dangers of non-monogamy lie in the deception. As the Networker article describes it, “The key to these [open] arrangements, and what makes them meaningful within the framework of emotional commitment, is that there can be no secrecy between partners about the arrangements.”

Maintaining intimacy means breaking down restrictions and building up trust. It means staying close to someone without losing your unique sense of self. While it may seem counterintuitive, what I’ve found is that avoiding affairs often means offering partners more freedom, increased independence and open communication.

Here are some dos and don’ts that based on the principles of open relationships, which can keep you and your partner excited about each other and less likely to grow apart.

1. Hold on to your friendships. 

Your friends bring out different aspects of your personality that are authentically you, and these relationships help to keep you from losing yourself in your relationship. Good friends also offer different and distinct attributes to our lives. This counters the unrealistic pressure we put on ourselves to get everything from just one person or one relationship.

2. Expand your world; make new friends; try new things. 

Research shows that having a number of close friends adds years to your life. When relationship partners shrink their worlds to accommodate each other, the relationship suffers. Instead, meet your partner’s friends and have him or her meet yours. Try new activities together, and be open to each other’s interests.

3. Keep being the individual you were before you got in the relationship. 

When you give up aspects of yourself, you stop being the person your partner fell in love with. When you mould yourself to suit your partner, whether he or she asks for it or not, you lose your vitality and your relationship suffers.

4. Allow your partner to keep his/her friends (regardless of gender).

When you restrict your partner’s movement, he/she will start to resent you and may become less straightforward to avoid dealing with your reaction. Your partner needs to keep his/her friends for all the same reasons you need to keep yours. By letting your partner be free, you ensure that you’re his/ her “real” choice. You don’t want someone to be with you out of obligation, guilt or fear. You want it to be because they love you (and trust you) for who you are and because you love them for exactly the same reason.

5. Don’t lie to your relationship partner, even by omission. 

This means not engaging in activities with other men or women you are not willing to disclose to your partner. Deceptions may seem self-preserving in the moment but they will only drive you apart in the long run. When people find out they’ve been deceived by a loved one, they will often lose any trust in that person, which then leads to either heightened jealousy, attempts to control or rejection.

6. Don’t talk about relationship problems with other potential love interests.

Using someone who is not unbiased as a confidante is unwise and may drive you and your partner apart.

7. Don’t use contact with other people to make your partner jealous. 

This is a form of manipulation. Even if gets your partner’s attention; he/she will resent you for it and think less of you in the long run.

8. Don’t create false expectations … in other people who may be interested in you romantically. 

Be clear about your boundaries. If you aren’t, your “friend’s” expectations can lead your partner to feel unnecessarily threatened.

9. Don’t turn your partner into a parent … where you are asking his or her permission to go out or do something on your own. 

In turn, don’t restrict your partner by imposing too many restraints on his/her actions. This creates a parent-child dynamic of inequality in your relationship that will have a ripple effect.

If our goal is to enjoy a rich and sustainable relationship, it is essential to maintain equality, honesty, respect and individuality. And, in many cases, these characteristics can exist among couples whether or not they’ve decided to be sexually exclusive. Sex columnist Dan Savage has stirred up controversy by talking about unrealistic or unnatural expectations we impose on monogamous relationships, even suggesting that, in some cases, “non-monogamy can strengthen a marriage.”

Yet, for this to be possible, Savage has stressed the unwavering importance of honesty and openness. In an interview with NPR, Savage stated, “For a monogamous relationship to function properly, properly meaning no blood, no tears, both persons involved have to agree on a set of rules.”

Whatever this set of rules may be for a couple, whether insisting on monogamy or making certain exceptions, that is for them alone to decide. What matters is that once we’ve decided and agreed upon the terms of our relationship, we must stand by these decisions. In doing so, we offer our partner and ourselves a certain degree of freedom and respect as the separate individuals we are.

We are then free to love our partners for who they are, not as extensions of people or ourselves we must control, watch out for or feel suspicious toward. When two people in a couple accept and appreciate each other’s uniqueness and independence, they’re often surprised by how much closer they get to each other. When we give up some control, we gain much more than we lose.

5 Reasons To Consider Swinging

The average person thinks swingers are crazy and they cannot even begin to fathom why someone would find pleasure out of sharing their partner with someone else. It’s these types of selfish thoughts that will keep many couples from enjoying the type of fulfilment that swinger couples get to share in their relationships. If you just open you mind to see the possible benefits of swinging, you will quickly realise how this can take your relationship from good to amazing. Here are 5 reasons you may want to consider swinging.

1. Maintain An Exciting And Active Sex Life

It is no secret that after the first 3 to 5 years of marriage, the average couple goes from having sex several times a week, to once or twice weekly, sometimes one or twice a month. Sex is 100% mental, and it is very normal for boredom to sneak in, after several years of doing the same thing over and over. Couples, who find ways to spice up their relationships, tend to be better able to maintain that spark for much longer. One of the best parts about being in the swinging lifestyle is that you get to keep things interesting with your partner by sharing and exploring different sexual fantasies. Every swinger couple you meet will tell you that they have the best sex together after a night out hooking up with friends. Sometimes just having the permission to talk about different fantasies with each other is all you need to get things riled up in the bedroom.

2. No Need To Cheat

It is said that 30 to 60 percent of all married couples will have an affair at some point in their relationship. That means 6 out of every ten people who judge others for swinging would actually prefer to cheat. It is no coincidence that most people, even when married, their eyes tend to wander. This is because monogamy is very unnatural, and it is something we have to train ourselves to be. Evidence shows that most people fail in the attempt. Swinger couples have the benefit of being with their soul mate, while still getting to enjoy the many natural sexual fantasies and desires they have. The best part is that they get to live out these fantasies with the love of their lives. There is absolutely no need to cheat when you have the permission to express and act out your sexual fantasies.

3. Better Communication And Honesty

One of the most valuable things couples gain from being in the swinging lifestyle, is the ability to properly and frequently communicate with each other. Once permission is given to reveal those suppressed desired, you would be amazed at what other areas of communication are opened up. Swinger couples enjoy the benefit of expressing themselves freely in their relationships, leaving no room for lies and secrets.

4. Sustained Youth

For most couples, getting married is the beginning of growing old. All the many pleasures that kept you young and alive as a single person have now cast aside for a more routine and conservative “marriage appropriate” lifestyle. When couples become swingers, they get to enjoy many of the same things they use to enjoy as a single person. Also, swingers take more pride in their physical health as it increases their chances of hooking up with other couples. There is nothing that keeps you young like having fun and taking care of your body.

5.  An Incredible Social Life

On of the first things you sacrifice when you get married is your social life of the past. It is normal for partners in a relationship, to give up old friends, and old lifestyle habits that were once enjoyed, for the purpose of a happy marriage. This formula has failed very badly thus far, leaving us with a divorce rate of over 40%. What is even greater than the sex in the swinging lifestyle, is the friendships that you get to make. The best of friends we have today are swingers, and there is always a reason to go out and have fun together with like-minded people who want to live and enjoy life the same way you do.

Swinging is not for everyone. However, if you are one of those individuals who feel unfulfilled by being in a monogamous relationship, cheating is not the answer. By communicating your desires with your partner, you may find that they are having the same thoughts as you, and if that is the case, you will definitely find many of the things you are looking for, by exploring the swinging lifestyle.