The Top 5 Factors To Consider When Trying To Find The Perfect Swingers’ Club

One of your first steps towards venturing into the swinging lifestyle may be checking out a local swingers club. Swingers clubs are a great place to test the waters, as there is usually little pressure for you to participate in anything, and you can just stand back and observe until you find your comfort zone. Just as swingers club can help you have a good first experience, it can also be the very reason you run away from the swinging lifestyle. We are not going to say any of the swingers’ clubs are bad. We will simply say every club is different and what you see and experience at a particular club can create a perception of the swinging community that you may or may not like.

So before you venture into your first swingers club experience, it is important that you know exactly how to pick a club that will suit your particular interest. Here are some of the key factors that you may want to consider when looking for a club.

1. The Average Age Of The Members

One of the biggest factors in having success at any swinger’s event is being amongst a group of people that is within your age range. If you are a younger couple, in your 20’s or 30’, you may not enjoy the experience at a club that caters mainly to couples over 50. The reverse applies if you an older couple. Your best experience may not be at a club that caters mostly to a younger age demographics. There are ways in which you can go about getting a general idea of the age range of the members of a particular club. One such way is by contacting the owner or manager of the club and asking this question before visiting the club. You should also ask where you could join a guest list to see those who are attending the club. Most club owners post their special events on all local swingers dating sites, and through those sites, you can view the profiles of those who are registered for events at this club.

2. How Members Carry Themselves

One factor that may even be greater than the age of the crowd is the general appearance and behaviour of the members. Does this club set a standard regarding how their members dress and behave, or are they just about the money and do not take particular interest in setting out proper members guidelines and expectations? By visiting the website of the club you are considering, you can get an idea into how much effort they put into ensuring a high standard of behaviour and appearance is kept amongst their members. Their website should include pages with proper rules and guidelines, along with a screening process to ensure the members uphold these rules.

3. The Setting

This one is imperative. I have personally attended many swingers clubs throughout North America, and only a select few take the time and investment required to create an upscale venue with proper amenities that would make you not miss going to a regular downtown bar. Some venues have been downright scary, tucked away in old industrial or deserted buildings in the middle of nowhere, with very little invested in upgrading the facilities. The good news is, in almost every major city you will find at least one club that offers a high-end experience that rivals any of the top clubs in your area. If this is something that is important to you, take the time to do your research about the club before you attend. Join forums on local swingers dating sites, or even Facebook groups (yes there are swinger groups on Facebook. Thousands of them) and ask for feedback from those who have attended or know of the club. Also, check to ensure that there are proper and up-to-date pictures of this club on the club’s website.

4. General Attendance

Most of the top swinger’s clubs in any city, averages anywhere between, 160 to 300 people on an average Saturday night and about 40% less on a Friday night. On nights where there is a special event, such as Halloween, or New Year’s Eve, these clubs will see the attendance of up to 50% more than their regular averages. However, this only represents the top lifestyle venues. A lot of swingers clubs are set in smaller venues and for those venues, a night of 30 to 40 couples is a lot. This comes down to your personal preference. Are you interest in a bigger venue with a more party atmosphere similar to a mainstream nightclub, or are you looking for smaller more intimate settings? From my personal experience, the quality of the people has always been more important than the number of people at any lifestyle event. However, greater numbers bring increased opportunities, so it will definitely come down to your personal taste.

5. The Cost Of Membership

You will find that general admission to get into most swingers club is more expensive than getting into your average mainstream nightclub. This is particularly true in the U.S, as most swinger’s club are B.Y.O.B (Bring Your Own Booze), so club owners try to make up revenues lost from the sale of alcohol by charging higher entrance fees. In Canada, the rules are different, so a lot of Canadian Swinger’s clubs have full bars attached, so therefore entrance fee is a little cheaper. First time members pay more because of the annual membership fees each club charges. The legalities behind operating a swingers club require for such, but I will not go into the details of that in this article, just expect that for your first visit, you will be asked to pay a one-time membership fee in addition to your general nightly admission. I have been to clubs where that translates to about $120 for a couple, just to get in. This may or may not be a factor for you, but something to consider in your planning. If you are a single female, a lot of clubs offer special incentives for females so your cost may be significantly less, sometimes nothing at all. Single males may be charged a premium if single men are indeed allowed. Make sure you are aware of the applicable fees before showing up at any club for the first time.

You will find that visiting any swingers club will most likely prove to be a refreshing and liberating, unlike anything you would have ever experienced at a regular club. Finding a club that is suits your needs will make that experience even greater. Your first time for anything is a big deal. Take the time to do the necessary research to make sure your first swinger club experience is one that is worthy of repeating.

Top 5 Icebreaker Games To Get A Swinger Party Going

The hardest part of hosting a great party is to get the party going. At most social gatherings, the guest a tendency to stand around, waiting for the host to make a move. If you are the host of the party, the best way to get people mingling and get the party going is to introduce a few icebreaker games. Games are especially great for newbies, as it helps to pull them out of their comfort zone and get them into the action, which normally results in them having a great night.

There are several sexy adult games you can play to kick-start your party. The most important thing is that you select games that will work well with the number of guests present at your party. If the group is large, card games may not be ideal as they can be slow and keep people out of action for too long. Not everyone will participate in the games, so for those who choose not to participate, the games you select must be entertaining for them to watch.

With those things in consideration, here are the top five most popular games used at swinger parties as icebreakers.

Truth or Dare

It worked in college, and it works for swingers as well. There is no better way to get people into action at a party, that’s why to this very day it’s number one on the list. To ensure this game goes off well, you have to change the way in which it’s traditionally played, and take away choice from the individuals. Instead of having people pick whether they want to take a truth or a dare, have everyone write one question and one dare on a piece of paper and put in in a bowl. Now shuffle your entries and pass the bowl around for each person to pick.  This way you do not get people avoiding the dares and slowing down the action.

Spin The Bottle

We have all played this game once or twice in our lifetime. There are a million and one ways to play spin the bottle. You decide how powerful you want that bottle to be. My favourite way of playing spin the bottle is very simple. The bottle goes in the middle, one-person spin and whomever the bottle stops on, the person spinning gets to do whatever they want to that person. To ensure everyone is comfortable, as the host, you can set guidelines as to how far people can and cannot go. Share the rules of the game before you get started to make sure those involved are in agreement and you do not get anyone in any awkward situations.

Find Your Mate

This game is not only fun for those participating but can be very entertaining for those watching as well. Select a group of 5 to 10 brave couples and have them strip naked. Blindfold one of the ladies and have them feel a body part of the choice of all the guys to identify which one is their husband. Each person gets a turn. To extend the game even longer if it’s going well, you can give the guys a chance to be blindfolded as well.

Naked Twister

Though only a limited number of people can participate at any one time, this game is probably the most entertaining of them all. For this game, you will need to purchase the twister set. Get three couples and have them strip naked. Then let the fun begin!!

Couples Speed Dating

This is a great way to get people interacting with each other. For this game, you will need to prepare some forms with a list of questions. Questions for the males to ask the females and visa versa. Make sure you give each person a copy of the form to write down the correct answers for themselves before you get the game started. Once that is done, mix and match the couples and give them two minutes each to ask each other 10 very personal, preferably sexual questions. Once the time is up, give each person a chance to prove how much the memorized about the person they were paired with.

To make all of these games fun, I always include one thing. Alcohol!! The penalty for messing up, or opting out of something you do not feel like doing is taking a shot. After all, there is no better icebreaker than vodka or tequila.

5 Ways Swinging Makes A Relationship More Fun

Swinging is not the thing that typically crosses the mind of most couples when they are thinking of fun things to do together. A threesome, maybe, but the idea of having a full partner swap with another couple is unthinkable to most. However, those that have taken the big leap and survived it, will tell you that their relationship has been a lot more fun since they started swinging. This may be hard for monogamous couples to believe, but most experienced swinger couples would agree with me that swinging did a few or all of these 5 things to their relationship.

1. You Get To Share Each Other’s Fantasies

Whether you are in a swinging relationship or not, it is natural and common for you to have fantasies about sexual experiences that may not include your partner. If you are in a monogamous relationship, it’s most likely that you have to suppress these feelings, as sharing them with your partner may get you in big trouble. Swingers do not have this problem. Once you are in an open relationship, all things are now out in the open and you and your partner can talk about these fantasies, and better yet, help each other in making them come through.

2. You’ll Enjoy An Improved Social Life

Once you become active in the swinging community, going to events and parties become a big part of your overall lifestyle. Whether it is to a private house party on a Saturday night, a local swingers club or group holiday experience, swingers are always looking for the next event to attend, where they can meet other swinger couples. Apart from the sex, one of the greatest things that couples get from these events is amazing friendships with like-minded people. People you get to be yourself around and you will most likely start spending the majority of your social time with.

3. Your Sex Life With Each Other Will Be Way Better

Sex is like your favourite sport. The more you do it, the more you want to do it and the better you are at it. Taking it even a step further, the more people you get to practise with, the more skilled you become. This then gets translated to your private bedroom where you get to show off your new skills and a renewed appetite for sex to your partner. If you get an opportunity to talk to a few swinger couples, most of them will tell you that they have had better and more frequent sex since being in the lifestyle.

4. Your Relationship Is No Longer Susceptible To Boredom

Most couples are afraid to admit the fact that it is possible that they end up growing bored with each other. This is especially true for couples that have been together for a long time, and now have children and other major responsibilities that you have to now dedicate significant time and attention to. By getting involved in the swinging lifestyle, you and your partner get to share something you can both be excited about and look forward to. The feeling you get from being swingers is very similar to that teenage love affair feeling. It’s naughty, it’s secretive, it’s taboo and that makes it even more enjoyable.

5. You Pay More Attention To Each Other

One of the biggest fears people have about getting involved in the swinging lifestyle is the fear of losing their partner, and the fear of feeling jealous. That is not exactly a bad thing for a relationship. This is the type of competition and challenge you can use as a reason to pay more attention to your partner and to never take each other for granted. Swinging challenges your relationship, forces you to communicate more often, and ultimately make you better at making the effort to give more time and attention to your partner.

3 Things To Remember When First Time Swingers Feel Nervous

When you’re first time swingers, you are going to experience a lot of emotions, running the gamut from excited to scared to anxious.

We recently met a new swinger couple named Katie and Kevin (not their real names) who are relatively new to the swinger lifestyle. We haven’t gotten to have sex with them yet, but we’re making plans for our next meeting. I was talking with Katie, and she mentioned that she and her husband feel rather nervous since they don’t have as much experience as we do. They both tend to be rather shy.

Katie said, “It’s really different being monogamous for over four years and being comfortable with your partner, and then all of a sudden the expectations are increased! I’ve had more partners than Kevin, and I’m the commodity (according to Kevin, and I guess it’s true) so there’s even more pressure on him… and probably more pressure on the men in general. Everyone’s happy if us girls just get naked and spread our legs. Do you find yourself stressed about such things?”

I was thinking about Katie’s question, and here’s what I think.

1. As first time swingers, it’s totally natural to feel nervous. After all, you’re doing something new and different and a little bit “dangerous.” Some people might feel like they’re violating a taboo and doing something “naughty.” Other first time swingers might feel shy or nervous to actually go through with acting out the fantasy of group sex. There are also some very familiar feelings that you probably haven’t experienced since you were single and dating – that “first date” energy, wondering if you’re going to hit it off with the other person(s) in the room, wondering how you can present yourself to them to make yourself seem more attractive and desirable…swinger dating is interesting because it’s just like being single again, only you have to make twice as people happy. (No pressure!) And speaking of “no pressure…”

2. First time swingers should try not to put too much pressure on themselves. Go into the encounter with minimal expectations and an open mind. Don’t worry about whether or not you’re going to do a “full swap” or try a bunch of acrobatic group sex positions; just tell yourselves, “We’re going to experience a fun evening with sexy friends, and we’ll see where it leads.” Maybe your first time swinging experience will just be kissing and cuddling with another person’s spouse while your spouse watches; maybe you can do a “soft swap” where your wife gives a blow job to the other man (while you get a blow job from another woman) – and if so, make sure to leave plenty of time for cunnilingus, fellas. There are plenty of wonderful, pleasurable things you can do as first-time swingers that stop short of full-on couple-swapping sexual intercourse. Don’t be afraid to take it slow.

3. Remember that you might not know how you feel about group sex…until it happens. No matter how much research about swinging you do, and no matter how many swinger blogs you read, nothing can fully prepare you for the reality of your experience as first time swingers. Becoming swingers is a leap of faith for your relationship. Hopefully, before you experiment with group sex, you and your partner have a strong foundation for your relationship – you trust each other, you talk with each other, and you honor each other’s feelings. Be prepared for the possibility that one of you (or both of you) might not feel 100% happy with how everything goes at your first group sex experience. Sometimes people feel left out (if one spouse hits it off better with the other couple), sometimes people get jealous (even slightly), sometimes the experience of group sex brings up negative emotions like fear, or insecurity, or body image issues, or sadness. Fortunately, none of these negative emotions happened for us. Our first time swinger experience was FANTASTIC, and I even wrote a real swinger sex story about it for Literotica – you can read it here: “First Time Swingers.”

For the most part, almost everyone we’ve met in the swinger lifestyle have been wonderful, laid-back and emotionally generous people, with no pressure, no judgment and lots of sexy energy. I wish every first time swinger couple could have a relaxed, welcoming “initiation” to the swinger lifestyle. Try not to let your “first time” nerves hold you back from having a good time – and don’t get too drunk. You want to be clear-headed and at your best so you can fully enjoy the experience. Once the sex starts and the endorphins kick in, you’ll find that group sex can be a “natural high” all its own.

Originally Posted Here

A 7-Step Beginner’s Guide To Swinging (Because You’re Curious)

Having sex with other couples can be really hot IF you’re all on the same page.

The swinglifestyle is nothing new. The concept of swingers and swinging has been around for years. The only difference is that people have started talking about it more openly.

If you and your honey would like to get a little kinky and experiment with this sexual adventure, you’re probably looking for a way to start your journey. In this article, we’ll help you get started with your swinger couples adventure.

So how should you go about being a new swinger couple in the swinging lifestyle? Here are seven things that you must discuss and do before you start swinging. 

1. Figure out why you want to swing… 

The first step is to open up about your kinky thoughts with your partner. When a couple decides to get into this lifestyle, both partners should first openly communicate their feelings to each other to create a comfortable atmosphere.

There can be many reasons for taking up a swinging lifestyle. You both might want to experience the pleasure of a shared sexual relationship or simply want to spice up your intimate life with new adventures.

But if you’re looking for ways to mend the flaws in your relationship, you’ll be left disappointed. The swinging lifestyle is only for healthy couples looking for sheer pleasure.

2. … and how do you want to swing. 

There are plenty of options to explore swinging lifestyle. You can begin with locally organized swinger parties or jump to lavish swinger cruises. The choice is totally yours. It would depend on your budget, kink preferences, and the degree of excitement you’re looking for.

The chances are you may be looking forward to playing with a few of your fantasies that you may have never explored before.

3. Set some ground rules.

Tenor.co

If you’re new to this lifestyle, it is important to set some rules for each other before indulging. For example, if you are both going to a swinging event and either one of you wants to leave early, it should be perfectly fine (or not) for the other person to stay behind.

Other rules may include factors related to being in the same room or being comfortable seeing your partner having intimacy with the same sex. Make sure you talk about all these things up front.

4. Work on building up your confidence. 

If you want to take part in this lavish lifestyle, you should start working on your persona. People only like to pick or approach others who exhibit a great personality and confident look.

Whether you’re looking for a swinging partner online or at a club, make sure you display the best of your persona to attract the most people. Lots of swinging couples use fake names as an identity, and it is perfectly acceptable in the swinging world.

5. Consider meeting couples online first. 

Pinterest

If you’re not sure about attending a live swinger party or joining a club initially, you can always find other not-so-open swinger couples online. It’s a great place to meet others swingers.

The Internet is full of online dating sites where you get to find a lot of people sharing the similar interest. All you need to is create a catchy profile, upload your photos and start your search through member profiles.

6. Plan to meet before hooking up.

After you’ve found the couples or individuals matching your criteria, you can talk to them on the phone or simply arrange a meeting. It is ideal to meet the potential swinger couples the first time first, so you can see whether they look or talk the same as they did online. If you don’t feel a connection, simply move on.

7. Eventually, check out a swinging club.

AfterEllen

There are probably more swingers clubs in your vicinity than you would have imagined. A quick online search will help you know the exact location. A bit of online research will also help you know how to participate in such events. If you’re interested in being a part of such clubs or parties, always make sure you dress up nicely and look good. Also, try to show up on time so you don’t miss out on any fun.

Adopting a swinging lifestyle is not difficult if you and your partner are aware of what’s the course of the action. Whether it’s going to a swinger party, a swingers club or indulging in a swinger cruise, it can give you the most amazing moments of your life.

If you and your partner wish to be on the hit list of swinger couples, you will need to make sure that you understand your desires and let others do the same. Do not keep any expectations from this lifestyle, and keep yourself open and available at all times to make the most of your swinging lifestyle.

The swinger lifestyle should be fun and exciting. It should only be pursued by couples who are truly enjoying themselves.

Originally Posted Here

 

7 Tips To Handling Your First Full Swap Situation

I have forgotten more than half of the couples or people we have hooked up with since being in the lifestyle. No offence to those we played with, but after a while, you no longer keep track and let’s be honest, not everyone will be memorable. The one experience you will never ever forget though is your very first time. Whether great, ok, or horrible, it will stay with you until you die.

You have spent several weeks going to the local swingers club, watching, flirting dancing, and then sneak out yet again, still too nervous about taking that next step. Suddenly you have finally met that couple, and now it’s time for you to take that very bold next step. Your first experience Full-Swapping can be the most amazing experience as well as it can turn out to be not so great. Your relationship will be tested, and the best way to ensure that you come out even stronger and more in love than you were before, is to properly prepare for your first Full Swap experience with another couple. Here are a few guidelines that may help in your preparations process.

1. Make Sure You Are Both Ready

You come into the swinging lifestyle as a couple, and you make every decision as a couple. The first step to ensuring you have a great first experience is to ensure that both parties a ready and willing. There should be no sacrifices made, and you should only take that next step when you are both ready to do so. If your partner is not ready, do not pressure him or her to do anything until the time is right for them.

2. Establish And Work Within Your Ground Rules

Before going into the playroom, make sure you and your partner are both clear on your boundaries, and most importantly play within those boundaries. For sure, things may happen spontaneously within the heat of the moment that was not communicated prior, and it might be ok as well as it might not. The safest thing to do is stick to the things that you both agreed upon and work within those boundaries.

3. Be Honest With Yourselves And The Other Couple

Honesty is of the utmost importance. When communicating your rules to your partner, make sure you are 100% honest about each of the things you ok with, and things that you are not. Also, it’s very important to communicate these things with the other couple as well. Share your boundaries with them and be sure to ask them what their rules are. Being clear and honest upfront gives everyone involved an opportunity to opt out if they do not feel comfortable before the situation goes any further and things get awkward.

4. Stay Sober

If you can’t do it sober, you definitely should not do it drunk. Besides, this could be one of your most amazing experiences you have ever had, don’t you want to remember it. There is too much that can go wrong when alcohol or drugs is making the decisions. Be fully alert and aware to ensure that you are conscious of everything that you are doing.

5. Look Out For Each other

It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and forget about your spouse. For some seasoned couples, that is ok because they have evolved to that level and have that understanding. For newbies, always stay connected to your partner, make sure he or she is comfortable and having fun. Tell the other person what your partner may or may not like to help them do a better job of providing pleasure for your wife or husband.

6. Don’t Be Afraid To Stop

It’s very unlikely that you will not have a good time. However, it doesn’t always work out that way. If anything makes you uncomfortable, or you find things are not working out as you imagined it to be, do not be afraid to let your partner know that you would like to stop. Don’t just walk out and leave. Communicate with another couple to let them know what you are feeling, and kindly asked to be excused along with your partner. If I were to bet, I would say you will definitely have a very good time, but if that is not the case, then do not feel pressured into continuing. There is always tomorrow.

7. Have Fun

It may be hard to relax at first, but once you are able to get comfortable, allow yourself to enjoy and have fun. As long as you and your partner have established your ground rules and you have communicated with the other couple, everything should go very well.

Your first full swap experience with another couple will definitely be the most memorable. By following the guidelines above, you can help to ensure that those memories are worth remembering.

 

5 Times Swinging May Not Be Right For Your Relationship

Many couples have ventured into the swinging lifestyle and have enjoyed incredible experiences. However, an equal number of couples have taken the plunge only to find out that becoming swingers has done more damage than good for their relationship. While any couple can choose to start swinging, swinging is not for every couple, and the best thing you can do for your relationship is knowing when it is not right for you and your partner. Swinging is an accessory, not a solution. Once your relationship’s health is dependent on your involvement in the lifestyle, then you might as well get a divorce. Here are 5 times when swinging may not be right for your relationship.

1. You’re Having Marital Problems

As mentioned above, swinging is an accessory and not a solution to the problems you are facing in your relationship. If you and your partner are struggling to find common ground between each other, the worst thing you can do to try mending that problem is to include outsiders. Everything will become magnified, and before you know it, you are in the middle of a divorce. A successful experience in the swinging lifestyle is dependent upon your relationship with your primary partner being secure and healthy. The couples that survive and excel as Swingers are those that share an incredibly strong bond with each other, a bond completely immune to any kind of emotional or physical vulnerability. If that does not sound like the current status of your marriage, then consider something else other than swinging.

2. One Partner Wants It More Than The Other

It is almost always the case that one partner becomes interested in the idea of swinging before the other. However, it is not a good idea to get involved until both partners are equally interested and excited. It’s also not recommended for one partner to force the other into it. If you are the partner that opens up the conversation of swinging, be sure to tread carefully and take baby steps towards getting your partner interested. You can employ some of these icebreaker strategies to feel things out, before dropping the bomb. It is also important to note that if your partner is not interested, you need to immediately back right off as your relationship with each other is, or should be more important.

3. You Have Not Spent Enough Time Talking About It

Once you and your partner have decided to venture into the world of swinging, it is very natural for your both to be very excited and want to jump right in. However, it may be best to approach with caution and take some time to talk about everything fully before taking the next step. Try to play out all the scenarios with each other, and talk about how you would like to handle them when they arise. Find other experienced swinging couples and talk to them about the things they have encountered and how they dealt with it. Establish things like boundaries, safe words and fantasies before you get to the physical part of swinging. Communication before, during and after will be essential to your survival in the swinging community, so start practising from the very start.

4. You Are More Nervous Than Aroused

Sex is arousing, stimulating and exciting, not frightening. If you and your partner have decided to try swinging and you find yourself more nervous than you are stimulated, it may not be such a bad idea to step back and give yourself more time to ease into things. Being comfortable is a key element to a great first experience, and sometimes it’s only a matter of finding the right people and the right environment. There is no need to force yourself into anything as things may very likely not go so well. Be patient and when the right situation appears you will know it as your emotional state will do the talking.

5. You Are In It For Yourselves More Than Each Other

Many couples get into the swinging community, and everything is amazing at the start. However, somewhere along the line, they get too caught up and carried away in the fantasy world, and they forget about each other. This is when a good thing starts to get really sour, and sometimes before you notice it, it’s already too late. The moment you realise that swinging is your relationship, it is time to pull back and take some time off to focus on each other. You do not want to be that single male or single female that got divorced because of swinging, as you will never get the opportunity again the get back into the community. Or it will not be as much fun, as most couples that knew you before the divorce will try to avoid any type of sexual encounters with you as you become a representation of everything that they do not want the lifestyle to do to their relationship. Recognise a great thing when you have it, and consider it a privilege that you are eternally grateful to your partner for.

Swinging and STDs: “Playing” It Safe

Being in an open relationship is fun, and exciting, and most couples that end up being swingers, almost never want to go back to being in a monogamous relationship. However, we cannot disregard the fact that, just like most things in life that bring us great satisfaction and enjoyment, it comes with a risk. One of the biggest roadblocks for couples that may be thinking of getting into the swinging lifestyle is the risk of STDs. It’s never a fun topic to discuss, but it is one we should not avoid.

First of all, I must say this. HIV or any kind of STD is not very common in the swinging community, or let’s say, no more than it is in the regular world of monogamy, contrary to what most may believe. The community is so small that if anyone is guilty of spreading anything, word gets around very fast and those individuals become known. Despite this fact, whether you are in an open relationship or an experimental single person, having sexual relationships with multiple people, does increase your risk of getting an STD.

So now comes the big question. What do swingers do to avoid getting an STD? First of all, let’s be very clear on one thing. The only thing anyone can do to completely prevent STDs is to abstain from sex. What we all try to do is be as careful as possible in doing everything we can to minimise our risk. I do not think I need to give an education on practising safe sex. Regardless of whom the couple is and how you may believe that you know and trust them, regardless of how healthy they may look, use a condom! Condoms are always very available at any swinger event that you go to. Whether it’s a house party or the playroom at a swingers club, condoms will be available in ample supplies. Though it very rarely happens, couples or singles who suggest to you that they would prefer not to use condoms, do not be afraid to say no to this, as this is not the norm in the lifestyle community. Safe sex is a general courtesy that is practised amongst most couples in the swinging community.

Some couple uses different strategies to minimise their risk. Some groups only play exclusively with each other. All the couples within that group are regularly tested and disclose their test results to the other members of the group. Even in this situation, using condoms is still strongly recommended. Some couples that prefer to be extra cautious avoid oral sex with other couples all-together. Everything comes down to your personal preference and comfort level. Make sure it is firmly communicated between you and your partner what the rules are when it comes to practising safe sex with other couples, and stay within the boundaries of those rules.

The steps you take to protect yourself from the possibility of getting an STD in the swinging community is no different from the ones you would take if you were a single person with multiple partners. Taking caution is your sole responsibility, so be responsible for the decisions you make in the playroom. If you so happen to have any kind of STD yourself, be courteous enough to disclose it to those you are going to play with.

STDs are not something we encounter very often in the lifestyle community. In seven years I have not knowingly encountered anyone with and STD. I have heard of individuals one or two times, but most couples are very careful and rest assured they will be as interested in protecting themselves as much as you are.

5 Things You Need To Know Before Swinging

One of the highlights of my job involves hosting Playboy TV’s reality series, Swing. Each episode follows the story of a newbie couple that is considering the possibility of swinging for the very first time. I introduce them to a group of experienced swingers and walk them through their very first “lifestyle” experience. Although I leave before the real fun goes down, I return the morning after to check in and support them through a debriefing.

Though I’ve been working with swingers for ten years, each show presents a learning experience. Some couples dive in headfirst and immediately establish themselves as lifelong swingers while others retreat and conclude that they’d rather remain monogamous. Here are some lessons I’ve learned from real-life swinger couples:

1. Swinging isn’t for everyone.

Just like monogamy, swinging isn’t a universally successful experience – nor is it a panacea for a failing relationship. Some people are simply more inclined toward open relationships and others thrive on a lifetime of serial monogamy. Some couples find that swinging improves their relationship, but others find it exacerbates existing problems.

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Just as you should consider the potential positive and negative outcomes of marriage, so too should you weigh the pros and cons of swinging. You may even want to make individual lists and discuss them together.

2. Pressure is the antithesis to pleasure.

I often receive inquiries with regard to how one can convince their partner to swing. The short answer: you can’t.

If you have to talk your partner into swinging for the first time, you’re likely destined for disaster. In an ideal world, swinging brings you closer together, but this outcome is near impossible in the absence of mutual desire. Being a bit nervous is normal, but if your partner seems reticent, make your relationship a priority and put swinging on hold until you’re both feeling fully prepared.

3. Rules are absolutely necessary

You’ll often hear experienced swingers proclaim that the only rules that matter are your rules and they couldn’t be more correct. You are the experts in your relationship, so although you can learn from relationship experts and more experienced couples, your unique insight and understanding of subjective experiences makes you the ultimate authority.

Establishing rules in advance is of paramount importance. Ask and answer as many questions as possible to prepare for a variety of outcomes:

  • Are there sexual activities that are off-limits?
  • What sexual activities are you comfortable engaging in?
  • How will you communicate that you’re (un)comfortable with a particular couple?
  • Do you have a safe word/signal that you can use in case you need to take a break?
  • What would you like your partner to do if you use your safe word/signal?
  • Are you interested in singles, other couples or groups?
  • Would you rather “play” in private or in public?
  • Are you willing to play with the same couple more than once?
  • Are you looking to develop lasting friendships with other couples or simply seeking casual sex?
  • What will you do if your partner is interested in someone else, but you’re not interested in that person’s partner?
  • How will you check in with one another during the experience?
  • How will you meet other couples — online or in-person? And is it acceptable to contact others online alone or only with your partner present?
  • How will you debrief after your experience?

Revisit your rules periodically, as your feelings, desires and boundaries might change over time.

4. Vulnerabilities are your greatest strengths

As with all sexual and relational experiences, swinging will elicit both positive and negative emotional reactions. Be prepared to talk about them: the good, the bad and the ugly. I find that some couples are so enthralled with the concept of swinging that they sometimes forget that problems can arise.

Jealousy, insecurity and fear are normal emotions, so it’s important to acknowledge them. They’re not a sign of a failing relationship and when you talk about undesirable emotions openly and offer your partner feedback and reassurance, they can become sources of strength in your relationship.

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If you’re new to swinging, I suggest that you spend some time hanging out at lifestyle clubs or parties with the agreement that you’ll only observe and engage in friendly conversations. Making a pact not to engage in any sexual activities for the few visits can help to alleviate pressure and allow you to familiarize yourself with the scene. Many clubs offer tours for newbie couples and the host couples will likely be willing to answer any questions you may have about the lifestyle.

So there you have it – five guidelines for exploring a healthy open relationship. Use this advice to keep the conversation going with your partner. If you’ve got some helpful advice for newbies that you’d like to share, feel free to contribute in the comment section below. And if you have additional questions, consider this a judgment-free zone where you can ask any questions that you might have regarding the exciting lifestyle of consensual non-monogamy.

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How Do You Introduce Swinging To Your Partner? 5 IceBreaker Strategies You Can Use

The “almost always” situation when it comes to a couple exploring open relationships, is that one partner likes the idea more than the other. If you are that partner, even if your intentions are 100% selfless, there seems to be no easy way to drop this bomb on your spouse without it turning into a big argument. Your partner may surprise you and be more receptive to the idea than you thought, but let’s face it, there is also the potential for disaster. So how exactly do you bring up the topic of swinging or open relationship with your partner without major conflict? Here are five icebreaker strategies you can use.

1. Watch A Porn Together

The great thing about porn is that you can find a scene to mirror the exact situation that you are fantasising about. Threesomes, girl-girl, orgies, whatever it may be, it’s the perfect way to introduce your fantasy to your partner and gauge interest. While you are watching with your spouse, ask questions when you see something you like. Questions like “Honey, do you find that sexy?” Be sure to not just point out situations that would be pleasurable for you, but something that would be just about pleasing your partner.

2. Go To A Strip Club

Another way to gauge how open-minded your partner is is by going for a fun night out to a local strip club. Buy your partner a lap dance and give him/her the freedom to enjoy. Communicate to let your partner know that you are enjoying them being naughty.

3. Truth or Dare

Truth or Dare was my favourite game in high school. This game always opens up doors of opportunities, to sneak a kiss or squeeze from that hot person you have had a crush on. By playing truth or dare with your partner, you can ask bold questions that you may never have ask in a normal situation. Ask questions about your partner’s fantasies, and be sure to re-assure them that you are comfortable with any answer they give. Be careful not to add too much pressure, but you can encourage them to go outside their comfort zone.

4. Share A Story

Do you know any couples that are swingers that both you and your partner know? If you do, talk about them in a random conversation, in a way to trigger a reaction from your spouse. You can say something like, “Honey, do you know that Mary and Dave are swingers?” Wait for an answer, and then when the answer is given, use the opportunity to share your honest opinion. At first, your partner may not be in agreement, but this may change after you give your opinion on the topic. Most times people just need permission to be totally honest.

5. Visit A Swingers Club

This may be the boldest of all the moves. But it’s the best way to erase any negative perception that your partner may have about the swinging lifestyle. You have to be ingenious about how you bring up this idea. You could use a line like this; “Babe, do you know that they have these clubs where couples go to meet other couples? I wonder what happens at those places? We should go check it out for fun.” A bold suggestion like this will give you an honest perspective on where your partner is at regarding mindset towards the swinging lifestyle, without causing the potential of a big argument if they are not in agreement.

It’s important to mention that you should never force the idea on your spouse if they are not at all interested. If it does not work for both, it will not work at all. Always be honest about your fantasies. Your partner may be more open than you think.