Many couples have ventured into the swinging lifestyle and have enjoyed incredible experiences. However, an equal number of couples have taken the plunge only to find out that becoming swingers has done more damage than good for their relationship. While any couple can choose to start swinging, swinging is not for every couple, and the best thing you can do for your relationship is knowing when it is not right for you and your partner. Swinging is an accessory, not a solution. Once your relationship’s health is dependent on your involvement in the lifestyle, then you might as well get a divorce. Here are 5 times when swinging may not be right for your relationship.
1. You’re Having Marital Problems
As mentioned above, swinging is an accessory and not a solution to the problems you are facing in your relationship. If you and your partner are struggling to find common ground between each other, the worst thing you can do to try mending that problem is to include outsiders. Everything will become magnified, and before you know it, you are in the middle of a divorce. A successful experience in the swinging lifestyle is dependent upon your relationship with your primary partner being secure and healthy. The couples that survive and excel as Swingers are those that share an incredibly strong bond with each other, a bond completely immune to any kind of emotional or physical vulnerability. If that does not sound like the current status of your marriage, then consider something else other than swinging.
2. One Partner Wants It More Than The Other
It is almost always the case that one partner becomes interested in the idea of swinging before the other. However, it is not a good idea to get involved until both partners are equally interested and excited. It’s also not recommended for one partner to force the other into it. If you are the partner that opens up the conversation of swinging, be sure to tread carefully and take baby steps towards getting your partner interested. You can employ some of these icebreaker strategies to feel things out, before dropping the bomb. It is also important to note that if your partner is not interested, you need to immediately back right off as your relationship with each other is, or should be more important.
3. You Have Not Spent Enough Time Talking About It
Once you and your partner have decided to venture into the world of swinging, it is very natural for your both to be very excited and want to jump right in. However, it may be best to approach with caution and take some time to talk about everything fully before taking the next step. Try to play out all the scenarios with each other, and talk about how you would like to handle them when they arise. Find other experienced swinging couples and talk to them about the things they have encountered and how they dealt with it. Establish things like boundaries, safe words and fantasies before you get to the physical part of swinging. Communication before, during and after will be essential to your survival in the swinging community, so start practising from the very start.
4. You Are More Nervous Than Aroused
Sex is arousing, stimulating and exciting, not frightening. If you and your partner have decided to try swinging and you find yourself more nervous than you are stimulated, it may not be such a bad idea to step back and give yourself more time to ease into things. Being comfortable is a key element to a great first experience, and sometimes it’s only a matter of finding the right people and the right environment. There is no need to force yourself into anything as things may very likely not go so well. Be patient and when the right situation appears you will know it as your emotional state will do the talking.
5. You Are In It For Yourselves More Than Each Other
Many couples get into the swinging community, and everything is amazing at the start. However, somewhere along the line, they get too caught up and carried away in the fantasy world, and they forget about each other. This is when a good thing starts to get really sour, and sometimes before you notice it, it’s already too late. The moment you realise that swinging is your relationship, it is time to pull back and take some time off to focus on each other. You do not want to be that single male or single female that got divorced because of swinging, as you will never get the opportunity again the get back into the community. Or it will not be as much fun, as most couples that knew you before the divorce will try to avoid any type of sexual encounters with you as you become a representation of everything that they do not want the lifestyle to do to their relationship. Recognise a great thing when you have it, and consider it a privilege that you are eternally grateful to your partner for.