Based on my own experience and interesting conversations with other couples, here are a few things to know if you’re considering the swing lifestyle for yourself:
Talk first, sex later
Talk, talk and talk with your spouse. If you’re not on the same page about swinging, it probably won’t work. It’s easy to figure out when couples (if that’s what you’re looking for) want different things, one is not as ready as the other, or – worst of all – one of them feels pressured to go along. It’s not appealing, and it could damage the relationship. If you and your partner can’t talk, swinging probably isn’t for you.
In the swing lifestyle, women really are in charge. That, my female friends, is very empowering. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re not in charge (without your say so), you’re in the wrong place.
Also be prepared to meet a lot of men who really, truly like women. I don’t mean just for their own gratification – I mean men who love their wives and also like to please other women sexually. Your enjoyment is a huge part of their enjoyment.
It won’t fix what’s already broken
Swinging won’t improve a bad relationship. However, it can make an already strong relationship even better – if you are both on the same page. If you can’t agree on something, defer to the one who isn’t comfortable with it.
Swingers are just like you
Most people in the lifestyle have responsible lives with jobs, families and other interests – just like us. We were pleasantly surprised to discover it’s fun to just socialise with other people at the club. It’s not always about sex.
Compatibility isn’t always perfect
It’s challenging to find another couple where each person is sexually interested in the new person of the opposite sex. My spouse and I have occasionally “taken one for the team” when one of us was particularly interested in another couple. Other couples do it too, but I wouldn’t recommend it as a regular thing.
It should be fun
The lifestyle is meant to be fun. It can become a frustrating chore, though, if you spend too much time continuously looking for new couples. Some couples develop ongoing relationships with each other, which cuts down or eliminates the work involved in sourcing suitable new partners. We usually exchange a few emails, see some pics, and meet for drinks or coffee. Then we’ll decide if we’re going to take our clothes off. Sometimes we go home and never see the couple again.
There’s fun for everyone
It doesn’t matter what body size or shape you have. You will find interested, fun partners. We’ve stuck to partners who are reasonably fit, but that has limited our play.
Prepare to be rejected
Be prepared to be rejected and to reject. Don’t take it personally if others are not interested in you. Assume you’re just not what they’re looking for at this time.
It’s not as scary as it sounds
Fears such as that your family or co-workers will find out what you’re up to or that you’ll contract an STI are common, especially among newbies. Experience has diminished these and other legitimate fears for me, but they are still concerns that I remain vigilant about.
Swinging will change you
Swinging is fertile ground to develop your sensual, sexual and fun self. For example, I’ve learned that I’m bi-comfortable (versus bisexual). I have a wardrobe of sexy, swinging outfits that I feel great in. My spouse has learned to dance! Our own sex life is better, more varied and intimate because of swinging. I attribute that to following our curiosity, new experiences and talking. Always talking.